How to Support a Caregiver (From Caregivers Themselves)

Caregiving can make you feel alone, even when you're surrounded by people who care about you.

The daily reality of caring for someone with cognitive challenges is often invisible to the outside world. Friends see you at the grocery store and ask how you're doing. Family members call to check in. But the weight of the morning routine, the medication, the moment of confusion that broke your heart: those details often stay unsaid.

It's not that caregivers don't want to share. It's that they're not sure how to communicate what would actually make a difference.

It's hard to ask for help

It's hard to bridge the gap between the daily experience of caregiving and the lives of friends and family who want to help. So we asked caregivers in our community: If you could tell the people in your life exactly how they can help you, what would you say?

Here's what they shared.

"I might not respond to texts right away, but I'm so grateful you're thinking of me."

When you're in the middle of helping someone get dressed, or managing an unexpected doctor's appointment, or simply trying to get through the day, texts pile up. The silence isn't indifference. It's not having the time or energy in that moment. 

But knowing someone thought of you? That stays with you, even when you can't find the words to respond.

How you can help a caregiver: Keep reaching out, even if you don't always get a response. A simple "thinking of you" text doesn't require a reply, and it means more than you know.

"When you ask 'how can I help?', I often don't know what to say."

This is one of the most common things we hear. "How can I help?" is asked with genuine care, but in the moment, it's hard to answer. A caregiver's mind is already managing a dozen things, and coming up with something feels like one more task.

What makes a real difference? Specific offers.

"Can I drop off dinner on Tuesday?"
"Want me to sit with them for an hour so you can take a walk?"
"I'm going to the store—can I pick anything up for you?"

How you can help a caregiver: Make specific offers instead of open-ended questions. These don't require the caregiver to figure out what they need; they just require a yes or no.

"Please don't stop inviting me, even if I say no a lot."

This one is especially hard to explain. A caregiver might decline invitation after invitation—and then feel the invitations stop coming altogether. People assume they're too busy, or that they don't want to be included anymore.

But the truth is, being invited matters. Even when they can't make it, knowing they're still thought of helps them feel connected to the life they had before caregiving took up so much space.

How you can help a caregiver: Keep including them. Keep inviting them. And if they do say yes, understand that plans might need to change. A good morning can turn difficult without warning. It's not personal—it's just the reality of what each day can bring.

"I can't always make plans in advance."

It's difficult to follow a schedule when you are a caregiver. Some days are manageable. Some days aren't. And there's often no way to know which kind of day it will be until you're in it.

This makes it hard to commit to things ahead of time—dinners, gatherings, even phone calls. It's not that caregivers don't want to see people. It's that they never quite know what each day will bring.

How you can help a caregiver: Offer last-minute check-ins and flexible plans. "I'm free this afternoon if you want company," or "No pressure, but I'd love to see you if today works" gives caregivers room to say yes when they can—and grace when they can't.

Why This Matters

If you're reading this as a caregiver, these sentiments might resonate deeply. It's hard to ask for help or to know what will help you. 

Sometimes the people in your life want to support you—they just don't know how. Helping them understand doesn't mean you're asking for too much. It means you're giving them a way to show up for you.

If you're reading this as someone who wants to support a caregiver in your life, thank you. Your presence matters more than you might realize. The invitations, the texts, the specific offers—they all add up to something meaningful: letting the caregiver know they are not alone. 

Staying Connected Through It All

At Idem, we create tools designed to make daily routines a little easier—for the person being cared for and for the caregiver. But we also know that technology is just one small piece of support.

The human connections in a caregiver's life matter just as much.

Whether you're a caregiver sharing this, or a friend or family member reading this to better understand, know that small gestures of support can make a real difference.

Reaching out matters. Showing up matters. Being there, even in small ways, matters.

If this article resonates with you, feel free to share it with someone in your life. Sometimes it's easier to let someone else say what's hard to put into words yourself.